To: Evie Jayne with Love (:

Hi Friends,

I found a website through a friend called blog2print, and I'm going to print Evie's blog into a book for a keepsake for her (and us!). It prints "comments" along with my posts... so I thought I'd take this opportunity to let you all leave a note for her before we print this first book, her first YEAR! I am going to wait at least a week before I print, so if you would like, do so before Friday October 8th!

All you have to do is click on "Leave a Comment" below (:

Love you friends! You are great!

i left her...

on purpose.

Hi Friends,

Yes, today was a monumental day... I left Evie in the nursery. We had Tuesday morning Women's Bible study and I've been leading a discussion group for the past few weeks, and decided since Evie felt good and there are only three other babies in there, to give it a go. I'm pretty sure that one of the workers watched the 3 other kids while the second watched Evie (: I was a little frazzled before I left, and told them not to let Eve cry too hard because she would get congested and then sometimes she can't breathe. That was probably a little harsh, but when Evie starts to struggle, she goes down fast. So I guess it's better to be overly cautious! (: Anyway, they did a fantastic job, THANKS ladies!

When I got upstairs where the leaders pray before study, they kind of collectively noticed I didn't have Evie with me to which I had to quickly respond "Don't talk about it!" before a few hot tears rolled down my face. I honestly can't believe that something as small as leaving her for two hours was so hard... but I've been with her every day, every night, every hospital stay, every code, every blood draw, every poke, every scare, every everything for the past year. When I'm not holding her she typically looks around until she can find me, and even when her eyes were swollen shut after surgery in July she would wave her little arm until she felt me beside her. So the thought of her looking around and not being able to find me makes my heart hurt a little. But she also needs to know that she is going to be okay without me eventually so hopefully this will ease her into that.

So we made it through our first two hours apart, with the exception of the times John watches her, and I'll be honest, I'm still a little sad about it. Maybe it's because she's growing up. Maybe it's because she was the only 1 year old in the newborn/baby room (instead of the crawler or walker rooms). Maybe it's because I felt distant from her for the first time by choice. Maybe I'm just not ready. We'll see.

Love you friends (:
Lindsey

1st Birthday Pics!

Hi Friends,

Well here they are... birthday pics! I want to give a huge THANK YOU to Brian Lehmann... who has been following us since February to develop a photo story about Evie's first year. He has been there to document many occasions throughout our journey that I wouldn't have otherwise had pictures of, and has been so generous in sharing memories with us. Brian, it is an honor for us to call you "friend."

blowing up balloons... our goal was 365 and we got pretty darn close (:

Evie was hanging out with Papa Steve while we got ready

my dear friend Patti helped me make these awesome cupcakes...

and cake pops!

singing happy birthday!!! and waiting for eve to devour her cake (:

John had to help her at first...

but she got the hang of it very quickly!

not bad! (:

photos by Brian Lehmann www.brianlehmann.com


And our friend Staci took a few portraits for us (:

yep she's that cute!

Thanks again everybody for coming, loving us, and sharing Evie's birthday with us! and Thank you Jesus for this year of joy, peace, and triumph over illness:

.

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.

You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,

that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.

O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!

(Psalm 30:11-12)

Amen! Love you friends!

THANK YOU!

Hi Friends!

So many of you came to Evie's birthday party, and brought her wonderful cards and gifts. I hope you took a Thank You card on the way out... but judging by the number we have left, I'm guessing not everyone got one!!! SOOO If you didn't grab one, couldn't come, or just plain want one, please email me your address and I'll stick it in the mail! LindseyLE@gmail.com I don't want anyone to go un-thanked!

I'll post a preview below (:

new look!

i have been contemplating a new look for evie's blog for a few months now, so i figured her birthday would be a good time for a change (: i have a lot of feelings associated with our old "look" from my pregnancy and evie's struggles, and with the two columns our new pictures can be even bigger (: hope you like it! love you friends!

Happy Birthday Evie Jayne!

Dearest Sweet Eve,

Happy Happy HAPPY First Birthday! Today was SUCH a joy to share with you, with family, and with friends. I haven't known many one year olds who have over 100 people come to their birthday party! (: (more party pics to come!)

I'm going to finish blogging through the rest of last year. First I wanted to go back and say that in May, Lyla celebrated her third birthday. You have one AMAZING big sister. I was so worried about how she would handle life with a new baby sister and with all of the appointments and hospitalizations you have been through this year, and she has done nothing but love you to pieces. She is going to be an amazing advocate for you.


Back to you. (: Early in the summer we started to see signs that you were going to need "decompression" surgery on your head. This surgery was very trying on me. It strongly reminded me of the summer of 2009, because we were constantly waiting. Waiting for appointments, waiting for scan results, waiting for insurance, waiting for surgery. The day of your surgery also reminded me of the day you were born. It was necessary, exciting, and frightening all at once. Playing in the pre-op area of the surgery room was so nerve-wracking. I had no idea what you would look like post-op. It was so scary to send the face that I loved so much into surgery, not knowing what the end result would be. After they took you back to surgery, all I wanted to think about was what was happening, and what we needed to be praying for.


Surgery and post-op were finally done, and they came and got us to ride up the elevator to the PICU with you. You... looked... beautiful... Out of this world beautiful. I couldn't wait to lay next to your little body again. Over the next few days your face swelled so much you couldn't open your eyes. When we had guests in your room you would wake up, wave your arms around until you felt me, and fall back asleep. We went home after 6 days in the hospital, where you changed more lives. Because you LIVE, and because God LIVES.

And this fall, we have finally gotten into the swing of things. Bible study, Pre-school, Gymnastics, etc. It still blows my mind how many people you have touched, and how proud I am to be your mom. Evie, it goes without saying, you have changed my life and so many others in this one year. One Year. Wow. (:

Nana and Papa Steve bought you a book for you birthday, called "On the Night You Were Born" and I think it's only appropriate to post a few pages:

On the night you were born,
the moon smiled with such wonder

that the stars peeked in to see you

and the night wind whispered,

"Life will never be the same."

Because there had never been anyone like you...

ever in the world.

For never before in story or rhyme
(not even once upon a time)
has the world ever known a you, my friend,
and it never will, not ever again...

.

...

Heaven blew every trumpet

and played every horn

on the wonderful, marvelous

night you were born

(book by Nancy Tillman)

I love you Evie Jayne. To think of life without you brings tears to my eyes, and breaks my heart. You and your sister have enriched my life with more love than some people experience in a lifetime.

Love love love love love you,
Mom

February, oh February... and the rest of spring.

Dear Evie Stinker Do Di Da (that would be a lyla given nick name, but i like it none the less),

February was definitely a "down" on our roller coaster ride of a year. In January we tried to get you vaccinated for RSV, but the exact minute insurance called to inform me that we were denied, we were sitting in Dr. Pat's office with a positive RSV test.
We decided to admit you to the hospital overnight to monitor your breathing, and that night you were urgently moved to the PICU and intubated. Again, you just couldn't breathe. For the next 8 days you were breathing with assistance from a ventilator, sedated so you didn't pull the tube out of your mouth, or feel uncomfortable. You didn't hardly move for 8 days. I have never felt more hopeless and horrible. Since you couldn't move your body, your little eyes started to swell along with your arms. We spent a lot of the day talking to you, putting ice on you face, and laying with you in your crib. For a while there was no end in sight, so we got a hotel room at the hospital hotel. Your dad and I traded off sleeping in your room, while the other slept with Ly in the hotel room. After the 8 days being ventilated we stayed 6 more days to help you gain some strength, and to monitor your breathing. Then we went home.... for one day (:

moments after extubation (:

You dealt with some serious drug withdrawal from the heavy sedation and pain meds you were on, so they gave you some Ativan to help you relax. Unfortunately instead of relaxing you decided to stop breathing periodically into a daze. With a little stimulation from us (shouting your name and breathing in your face - sorry!) you would "come to" but we were re-admitted and we discovered that seizures were causing your apnea. You had a CT Scan to check your brain pressure on one of your final days, and when asked by one of my dear hospital friends what the scan was for I replied "to see if she needs brain surgery" and couldn't help but laugh out loud at how ridiculous that sounded after the few weeks we had just gone through. We'll fast forward to that in our next post (:

After a few EEGS and adjusting of you seizure medication we pulled through a final week in the ICU and were home for good. I couldn't be more impressed with the ICU Doctors and nurses that we met, and it is a blessing to know them.

With the exception of a three day stay in the hospital in May, March through June were filled with zoo trips and play dates. Yes, you had several doctors appointments and a few colds but not being hospitalized was pure bliss.

Eve, you fought for your life for 3 out of 4 weeks in February. I could ask why, but I am content knowing that question will never be answered on this side of Heaven. We spent those three weeks in a hospital climate of struggling families, some who had been there for MONTHS, and my heart is broken for those moms and dads to this day.

Evie Jayne, you have changed my purpose and the way I pray. My heart aches in a new way for those who are hurting. For those struggling with health, crisis, and loss. For children without parents, and parents who have lost their children. You have given me the courage to pray with someone I just met. To ask if I can help instead of selfishly buying myself some free time. To love strangers because God made them just as important as they made us. Thank you for opening up a door for me that I may not have opened myself. The friends we made at the hospital have taught me things about God's love I never knew.

I love you my sweet girl, more than the sun and the moon,

Mom