Wow, this post has been a long time coming. I have considered sitting down to write several times in the past few weeks but there has been a big looming question mark in my mind. I like to try to iron out my thoughts before putting them down on our blog, but I have a feeling I'm going to be a little more jumbled than usual for a while so I better just get down to business. (:
I'll start with the least important news in the Elsaesser household... I have finally crossed over into my 30's. Since I was really trying to avoid a big surprise party, I begged John to take us to Great Wolf Lodge in Kansas City for the weekend and it was so much fun. Sleeping in, watching movies, taking the girls down the water-slides, story time, it was such a welcome break from a long, cold, winter. After a big bump in one of the water-slides with John, Evie's favorite place became the hot tub. After several attempts to get her back on the water-slide with me, I finally took "no mommy, hot tub" as her final answer. We spent a lot of time together in the hot tub!
She has been talking wonderfully and it's amazing to me how far her speech has come from the beginning of the school year. She has started to stutter a little, but her doc thinks it's most likely developmental because she is trying to catch up from when she was little and didn't have the energy to talk much. I had to laugh the other day, she looked me straight in the eye and said "mom, is this your Costco card?"... a big step from the 2 to 3 word sentences we were working on at the beginning of the year.
Lyla is also doing well, school is a breeze for her academically but the social aspect has taken a toll on her this year. We are looking into alternatives for next year and trying to find the best fit. She has turned into our little swimmer, doing lessons twice a week to get ready for swim team this summer. We made a paper chain last night to count down the days until school is out - we are ready!!
Our foster daughter is a joy. She is a laugh out loud, get into everything, playful kid. It's a good thing she takes a nap or I might have to go to bed at 7 every night from following her around. She likes to pick up a toy, take it into another room, set it down, pick up another toy, take it into another room, continue, continue. Eventually I have to throw everything in a big bin and sort it all back out. We are still in the dark as to what the future holds, but that really hasn't changed.
It's been a weird few weeks. For some reason I have been holding Evie tighter than usual. She started a little bit of a cold a few days ago and her usual response is to follow me around saying "I want you!" Which I love... It's just harder to keep anything in order around here while holding a 25 pound 3 year old all day (: Things are similar with our foster daughter. She is so easy to care for and easy to love, all with the reality that she might not be ours forever. It's such a weird reality.
I remember having an especially rough day when Lyla was a baby, driving down the road and attempting to give God all of my worries. I remember presenting him with different things as I drove, and then I glanced in the back seat. Could I give God control of Lyla's life? Surely he wouldn't take my kids away from me...? That reality set in quickly when Evie was little. She could be gone at any moment. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I still panic - should I go check on her? What if she's not breathing? What if I missed her last moment? I can't tell her I love her enough. And yet, God's promises are the same. Life is short, eternity is long. We have an eternity to spend together in paradise. While I was so prepared for that 3 and a half years ago when Evie was born, I'm a total mess even considering that reality now. It would be a tough 50+ years to live without her.
I'm not exactly sure where my heavy heart is coming from. Maybe it's these few days of rain... Lyla's tough days at school... Evie came home from a preschool event crying for the first time "mom, I can never win the game at school."... Our ride with our foster daughter's birth family has been up and down for a few weeks... Or maybe I just haven't cried in a while. Regardless, God is good all the time and the sun will come out soon. Or I'm moving to Florida. (:
Lamentations 3:22 - 23.
Because of the Lord's great love
we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness.
best dad ever!!
off to the hot tub (:
Easter action shot!
love this girl (:
Love you friends!!