a little heavy hearted...

Hi Friends (:
Hope you had a good 4th, I can't believe how cold it was! I was probably the only person in Omaha who was glad it wasn't 90 degrees... the colder weather is much more bearable with these extra lbs. I'm carrying around!

We are doing pretty good here in the Elsaesser household. Things are pretty normal, but my heart has been heavy. Holiday weekends seem to have an opposite effect on me lately, they are so much fun to spend with family and friends, but at the end of the day it makes me so sad that next year at the same time we may again be a family of three. I already feel like Evie is such a big part of our family it will be hard to celebrate without her.

I was really hoping to see a hint of improvement at our last ultrasound so it was disappointing to see that her lungs aren't developing well and her bones are the same if not worse. If I don't get to take her home I couldn't ask for anything better than for God to take care of her, but I so selfishly want her to live with us. I don't know whether to get out some of Lyla's old clothes in case she comes home or leave things alone until we see what happens. It just makes me sad either way.

Lyla and I are really enjoying the summer. We went to the spraypark this morning, and she played with all the "boys and kids" (boys are boys, and girls are kids... not quite sure why!) She could spend the whole day outside and I wouldn't mind if it wasn't quite so hot. She woke up this morning, got in bed with me for a few minutes, and went back to her room to get a few things... she walked back into our room with one of John's old Chicago Bears hats on, her pink sunglasses, a silver sparkley purse, and a stuffed skunk. She was ready to go for the day! She makes me smile at least 100 times a day.

If you could pray that I would have emotional and physical strength that would help me a lot. Please continue to pray for healing for Evie. That she would grow, her lungs would develop, and her bones would harden, straighten, and lengthen. Pray that she is not in pain now and won't be when she's born. John takes his nursing boards one week from today, so prayer for him that he would pass. Lyla is doing pretty darn good, but you could continue to pray that I can handle the situation in the way that is best for her. It's really hard for me not to talk about Evie when she's on my mind so often, but the doctors all recommend that I only talk about her when Lyla asks.

I'll leave you with a verse on joy and prayer:
"So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:22-24

Praise God. Love you friends (:
Lindsey