Is there anything worse than being fearful? Fear has been an underlying companion these days as we watch Evie closely. She seems to be doing fine with some odd behaviors here and there. For example, she slept a lot today... is she seizing or just growing? she was zoning out in the car... is she not breathing or just a little warm?
Like I said last week, Eve has never had more than one of these apnea/seizure episodes in a day, having 6 in one day last Monday was terrifying. I felt myself constantly thinking "is her condition getting worse?", "are these episodes worse than usual?", "are we doing the right things?", "is this the beginning of the end?" We are content in knowing that God knows the number of our days, but that doesn't mean we are ready for that.
All in all, things seem to be normalizing in her little body, just not in her mother's heart. I am being overprotective. I ask her if she's okay every 5 minutes, watch her breathe constantly and tell her I love her 100 times a day. I know God is in control and I need to loosen my grip, but wow is that hard to do when pictures of her struggling to breathe are racing through my mind.
Thank you again for your prayers. We will have pulmonology and neurology follow-ups this month, I will let you know how those go.
Praying for Gods many blessings to each and every one of you (:
9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”