Hope.

Hi Friends (:

Hope you all had a good weekend. We had a crazy busy one and although I tried to take today to clean up and relax a little, but by the looks of it I ended up relaxing up and cleaning a little. My body is starting to feel the effects of pregnancy, my feet were actually swollen last night... which I think is supposed to start big time around 8 months not 6, but oh well!

Saturday morning we were hugely blessed, my dad found out there was an elder board meeting and asked if they would pray for John and I. It was overwhelming and wonderful to feel the power of God in a room full of people with 100% certainty that God can heal Evie and he may choose to do that. Before Pastor Steve prayed for us, he reminded us that God has the power and ability to heal Evie, and that is our prayer. Yet, out of His wisdom and love for us He may not. I have been reading the Old Testament lately, and am constantly reminded of God's plan when I watch the lives of people go by in a few sentences and effect those down the line who never knew them. The sermon on Sunday was about the issues that tug on our heart so strongly that we have to do something about it. I can feel God using this pregnancy in my life to give me more compassion for those who are hurting, especially moms and their kids. I am not sure where he wants me to go with this but I hope that through prayer and obedience God will reveal it to me.

I wanted to let you all know that while I have been praying for Evie lately, God has laid it on my heart how important it is to pray for my friends. I would love to pray for each and any of you who need prayers, whether I know you or not. For those of you who are already on my prayer list, if there is a specific need that you have, I would love to pray for it. Big or small, it's all important to God. I know there are people that I walk past every day who are suffering and I hope we all take time to pray for each other.

When I was at the gym today, I saw myself in the 360 degree mirror from all directions and my first thought was "whoa lady, lay off the brownies!" but I was immediately reminded of how sad I am going to be if Evie doesn't make it after she is born. I am going to long for my big belly back. I am constantly conflicted with hoping for healing, and planning for greif. I go through both emotions every day. When people look at me and smile because I'm pregnant, I feel both emotions. It is hard to hope when faced with greif, and hard to grieve when faced with hope. I am not sure how I am supposed to feel or handle any of this, so I am trying to trust God that through any "feeling" His word is true, and I will heal.

Lastly, if I run into you guys at church or out somewhere and I seem somewhat emotionally detatched, it's because I know if I let 1 tear fall the other 500,000 are going to come out right along with it. I take plenty of time to cry when I need to, but when I'm in Lyla-day-mode I try to keep it together for her sake (and mine). She just doesn't understand when "mommy's sad."

Love you, thanks for keeping up with us (: