Well it only took me 45 minutes to get music on the blog... what!? I know, that's what I was thinking. Next time I will go straight to the Help section before trying to figure it out on my own.
Before moving on, I don't think I could continue our story without thanking the people who have helped us over the past 10 weeks.
First of all, the specialist we have been seeing is amazing. Hopefully you never need a perinatal specialist, but if you do let me know, I know a GREAT one. I'm not sure if it's proper "net-iquitte" to name names, so I'll just say, he delivered this terribly hard news to us with grace, kindness, and compassion.
Secondly, I could not make it through the day without John and Lyla. John thank you for loving me and crying with me. I could not ask for a more patient, understanding, accepting, loving, husband and father for Ly. For you to finish nursing school, work full time, and take this on has been amazing. You have been more understanding than any man I have met, and you can make me laugh at any given moment. I wouldn't want to go through this experience with anyone else.
Lyla gets me through the day. Every day. We play, tickle, play, eat, water the plants, play, run errands, do laundry, play (you get the point) all day. Lyla, you are my best friend (not in that indulgent "my kids are my friends" sort of way, but in a healthy parent-child relationship way!). I could not make it through the next 15ish weeks without knowing I would wake up in the morning and hear your voice.
My mom has watched Lyla at every doctor's appointment since our 12 week appointment, and my dad makes every effort to be there or be supportive and help us understand "medical terms." Kirstin calls me every night to check in, and Kels will do what she can to help. It's knowing I can count on these little things, that make the hard times bearable and the good times better.
My grandparents, friends, in-laws, small group, church family, friends who are in other countries (thanks bianca (: )and people i haven't seen in years call, email, actually read my blog (wow!), and let me know they are praying for us and will help in any way. It's the little things like a 2 hour conversation in my living room, getting the kids together, offering to watch Lyla, asking what I need help with, that are monumental when I look at what could either be a long summer, or a time to celebrate the life of Evie.
I have heard that it is in the hard times when you experience the love of God the most intensely. In my deepest pain, I know that God is holding me together and his heart breaks along with mine. I am suffering for my child, and He is suffering for His. It brings me to my knees to know that somehow God loves me more than I love Lyla and Evie. I can't even fathom it, but I know it's true. His son died, just as Evie may, so that I may live life knowing Him.
We are going back to the cemetary tomorrow, to make more decisions that hopefully we won't have to use. We could use your prayers for guidance.
Love you friends (: