February, oh February... and the rest of spring.

Dear Evie Stinker Do Di Da (that would be a lyla given nick name, but i like it none the less),

February was definitely a "down" on our roller coaster ride of a year. In January we tried to get you vaccinated for RSV, but the exact minute insurance called to inform me that we were denied, we were sitting in Dr. Pat's office with a positive RSV test.
We decided to admit you to the hospital overnight to monitor your breathing, and that night you were urgently moved to the PICU and intubated. Again, you just couldn't breathe. For the next 8 days you were breathing with assistance from a ventilator, sedated so you didn't pull the tube out of your mouth, or feel uncomfortable. You didn't hardly move for 8 days. I have never felt more hopeless and horrible. Since you couldn't move your body, your little eyes started to swell along with your arms. We spent a lot of the day talking to you, putting ice on you face, and laying with you in your crib. For a while there was no end in sight, so we got a hotel room at the hospital hotel. Your dad and I traded off sleeping in your room, while the other slept with Ly in the hotel room. After the 8 days being ventilated we stayed 6 more days to help you gain some strength, and to monitor your breathing. Then we went home.... for one day (:

moments after extubation (:

You dealt with some serious drug withdrawal from the heavy sedation and pain meds you were on, so they gave you some Ativan to help you relax. Unfortunately instead of relaxing you decided to stop breathing periodically into a daze. With a little stimulation from us (shouting your name and breathing in your face - sorry!) you would "come to" but we were re-admitted and we discovered that seizures were causing your apnea. You had a CT Scan to check your brain pressure on one of your final days, and when asked by one of my dear hospital friends what the scan was for I replied "to see if she needs brain surgery" and couldn't help but laugh out loud at how ridiculous that sounded after the few weeks we had just gone through. We'll fast forward to that in our next post (:

After a few EEGS and adjusting of you seizure medication we pulled through a final week in the ICU and were home for good. I couldn't be more impressed with the ICU Doctors and nurses that we met, and it is a blessing to know them.

With the exception of a three day stay in the hospital in May, March through June were filled with zoo trips and play dates. Yes, you had several doctors appointments and a few colds but not being hospitalized was pure bliss.

Eve, you fought for your life for 3 out of 4 weeks in February. I could ask why, but I am content knowing that question will never be answered on this side of Heaven. We spent those three weeks in a hospital climate of struggling families, some who had been there for MONTHS, and my heart is broken for those moms and dads to this day.

Evie Jayne, you have changed my purpose and the way I pray. My heart aches in a new way for those who are hurting. For those struggling with health, crisis, and loss. For children without parents, and parents who have lost their children. You have given me the courage to pray with someone I just met. To ask if I can help instead of selfishly buying myself some free time. To love strangers because God made them just as important as they made us. Thank you for opening up a door for me that I may not have opened myself. The friends we made at the hospital have taught me things about God's love I never knew.

I love you my sweet girl, more than the sun and the moon,

Mom