Yes, today was a monumental day... I left Evie in the nursery. We had Tuesday morning Women's Bible study and I've been leading a discussion group for the past few weeks, and decided since Evie felt good and there are only three other babies in there, to give it a go. I'm pretty sure that one of the workers watched the 3 other kids while the second watched Evie (: I was a little frazzled before I left, and told them not to let Eve cry too hard because she would get congested and then sometimes she can't breathe. That was probably a little harsh, but when Evie starts to struggle, she goes down fast. So I guess it's better to be overly cautious! (: Anyway, they did a fantastic job, THANKS ladies!
When I got upstairs where the leaders pray before study, they kind of collectively noticed I didn't have Evie with me to which I had to quickly respond "Don't talk about it!" before a few hot tears rolled down my face. I honestly can't believe that something as small as leaving her for two hours was so hard... but I've been with her every day, every night, every hospital stay, every code, every blood draw, every poke, every scare, every everything for the past year. When I'm not holding her she typically looks around until she can find me, and even when her eyes were swollen shut after surgery in July she would wave her little arm until she felt me beside her. So the thought of her looking around and not being able to find me makes my heart hurt a little. But she also needs to know that she is going to be okay without me eventually so hopefully this will ease her into that.
So we made it through our first two hours apart, with the exception of the times John watches her, and I'll be honest, I'm still a little sad about it. Maybe it's because she's growing up. Maybe it's because she was the only 1 year old in the newborn/baby room (instead of the crawler or walker rooms). Maybe it's because I felt distant from her for the first time by choice. Maybe I'm just not ready. We'll see.
Love you friends (: