my thoughts on Holland...

Hi Friends (:

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I have read the poem "Welcome to Holland" on many special needs websites, and have thought about posting my thoughts a few times but it never seemed quite appropriate. I got a comment from a mom this morning who is pregnant with a little boy who has a very similar diagnosis as we did with Evie. I wanted to share my thoughts with her, and figured this would be a good time to post my "thoughts on Holland." Here goes...

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WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

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I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

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When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

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After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

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"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

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But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

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The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

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So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

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It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

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But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

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And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

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But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

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There are many truths to this poem. Holland does require new guide books, a new language, and new friends. Holland is very special, and lovely. It is slower-paced (Praise the Lord for that), and there are times when it requires effort to catch your breath.

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The lines I would omit would be the following: "And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss." When we were pregnant, we didn't think we would make it to Holland. We longed for Holland... and prayed for Holland. We just wanted time with Eve, the one God had given us. The one that was already conceived in my womb, perfectly made to live as our daughter.

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There is a depth and understanding between people in "Holland", those close to them, and the health care workers that care for them. There's a camaraderie of hope and the desire for our kids to do great things against their stated prognosis. There are more celebrations in Holland because the milestones are smaller. More specific. Celebrated with not just immediate family, but with friends, siblings, parents, neighbors, church members, co-workers, extended family, doctors, therapists, and blog readers. There are big tears of pain, and bigger tears of joy. Don't be afraid of Holland, friends. It's the most beautiful place I've ever been.

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The fact that this poem makes less of the life one can live in Holland couldn't be more untrue. I looooove Holland, deeply, with all of my heart. Would I spare Evie physical pain if I could? Absolutely. Anyone would. Would I trade Holland for Italy? Never in a million years..

So thank you for joining us in Holland. We are proud citizens without a single regret..... and we like it here.