Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Cemetary song... and the man...

Hi Friends (:
I've been kind of in limbo lately. I'll be honest, I've been feeling sorry for myself, and I should be ashamed. I feel like I spent most of last summer preparing for Evie's birth, and when they moved Evie's surgery to August 6th I didn't want to spend this whole summer thinking about surgery. Last summer we were picking dates to be induced... this summer we are picking dates for surgery. I really don't think about it all the time, but it's like a little dark cloud following me around, letting Satan bother me when I just don't need it. and I let it get to me.
One of my Bible study teachers a while ago encouraged us to underline passages that really speak to us, and date them. I found this one a couple of nights ago, dated 8-8-09 "That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now, rather we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever" 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Those were words I was clinging to 6 weeks before Evie was born... 6 weeks before I thought I was going to have to give her to the Lord. I have been spending some time with friends who have special kids, and a lot of them blog. It has been amazing to read their birth stories, but it challenged me to go back and read my own. I'll be honest, I avoid it. I never want to lose the sense of reliance I had on Jesus during the walk through the valley I was in at that time, but I don't necessarily want to relive it either. Honestly, I should read it every day. It would revamp my priorities, expose my faults, and refuel my desire to know Jesus more. and I would definitely stop feeling sorry for myself. I have been blessed more in the past year than some people experience in a lifetime.
When I was in my car tonight, I put in a Coldplay song that I used to listen to when we would go to the cemetery to spend some time with Evie's doorway to heaven. I will put it as the first song on my playlist. It is a little plot we had reserved for her next to my great grandparents, where John and I could eventually be buried. It is a beautiful green hill, where we sat, thought about Eve, and breathed in the sweet summer air. I would dream about meeting her, and the time we would have together, and I would pray that we would have lots of it. I love the lyrics that say "for you I'd wait, till kingdom come, until my days, my days are done. Just say you'll come and set me free, just say you'll wait... you'll wait for me" I imagined myself waiting for Evie, and she waiting for me. One day being set free to get to know her if we didn't get much time.
So in closing, I just want to say Thank you Jesus. Thank you for healing my baby girl. Thank you for giving me the strength to survive 5 months of uncertainty. I'll be honest, when I say I don't know how we did it, I do. You promised we would run and not grow weary, we would walk and not faint, and you gave us the strength to give you our daughters future. Thank you for every minute, of every hour, of every day that I have to love both of my girls, to snuddle in our bed, to kiss their faces, to tickle their toe-toes. To you be the GLORY forever and ever. Amen.

Oh wait a second, I'm not done (:
I have been reading some fabulous Father's Day posts, and words just can't do justice to the amazing father that John is. I have a few pictures from Evie's birth-day that spell it out pretty well.

Eves first few minutes

Happy Belated Father's Day to the man of my dreams. You have never been anything but proud of our girls, differently abled or not. You are encouraging, supportive, and can make any girl feel like the only woman on the planet. I adore you because I have never felt like you wanted me to be anyone but exactly who I am, and I know our girls will grow up to be confident young women for the same reason. You truly are the best. We LOVE YOU! Lyla, Evie, and mom.


  1. Even though I don't know you personally, and I've been so slack with emails, I KNOW you're an amazing mom. It's okay to have a dark cloud over you before this surgery. Don't worry, I felt the same things.

    I can't give you much advice on the other things. I'm sorry! :( Thankfully Kaitlynn was okay, and her surgery was minor. If you do have any questions for me, or if I can offer up anything let me know. If you'd like me to come hang out the day of the surgery I can! Cranio can be such a scary thing.

    *If I'm coming off wrong I'm sorry, I don't know how to off up support, and I feel like I'm coming off wrong, and shouldn't say anything. Please forgive me if I have come off wrong!*

  2. Thank you Lindsey for always sharing your heart so openly and allowing the Lord to use you!
    You are such an encouragement to me!
    I will continue to pray for you as the next 3 weeks arrive. I know the Lord has BIG plans for Evie and I can't wait to watch her grow and sing His praises!
    Thanks for letting me be your friend.
    I love you and so do my kiddos :)

  3. Thank you so much for sharing your journey and your faith, Lindsey. That brought tears to my eyes...continued prayers for Evie and the whole family.

  4. Keep up the great work! Thank you for sharing your amazing faith.

  5. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.